"The Journey of self denial, acceptance, and purpose"
Seeing this caption brought a lot of thoughts and memories which leads me to write about my experience or basically should I say an unpleasant aspect of my life that I have come to accept as a stepping stone which made me become who I am today.
Back then in high school, I struggled with self denial and low self esteem which made my mates bully me. It is an experience I never wished on anyone and at a point, I began to doubt my own relevance and worth. I began to doubt my own competence and who I truly was. I would really say I was basically living in the shadows of others.
I began to dread going to school at some point and then when that passed, I started to get used to the hostile environment I found myself. Needless to say, I adapted to the insults and bully after all, if that was the way I could be relevant in my school then so be it. I came therefore to the conclusion that I wasn't worth much and I shouldn't even try to be anything else.
Although I had tried to find solace somewhere else, my life in school began to reflect on my academic work and also on my social life. I think the better word to use is that I was socially mutilated because I couldn't get to accept myself and stand my ground. I denied myself the joy of accepting who I was and I always wanted to be someone else. If I saw others playing football or any other game, I would want to join in to feel among.
I remember one day my classmates were dancing and I joined them and then I became the centre of attraction (in a bad way of course) for my mates. I felt so humiliated and angry but well what could I do? My self esteem had already been crushed and all I had was denying myself the joy of being me...
It wasn't until I had left high school that I began to come out of my shell and come back into my space. I began to become more of me than being in someone else's shadow and stance. I began to see myself as who I really am and not who someone else thinks I am.
I began to love myself more and accept who I am. But for awhile though, I still struggled with somethings and I had to start self development. I began to read anything I could lay my hands on which could help me become the me I was transforming to... I read books like why you act the way you do by Tim Lahaye. Books like that really helped me discover myself and who I was... I began to gradually accept myself and love me for who I am.
These years weren't easy but they really paid off.
But due to the lack of self esteem I suffered in high school, making friends became easy for me and this was because I wanted people to accept me. Then, I hadn't realized that people will take you however you take yourself. Gradually, I began to spiral back until I had a friend talk some sense into me and then I began to choose my friends based on who I wanted in my life. I started to care more about how I accepted myself rather than how others saw or accepted me.
Well, after years of this struggle, here I am today. I discovered my purpose and will of God for my life. I'm now blessed with so many gifts; some I discovered was embedded in me while the others, I had to harness and groom to where it is today. Today, I can say I have found purpose and I'm walking in the light of this purpose by the awesome grace.
I am writing this because I realise that so many people have gone through a similar situation of low self esteem and self denial and are still struggling with this even till date. Many don't know what they're worth and so they aren't working towards embracing themself.
Not many people know they are worth much more than gold; even more than fine gold. For example, some ladies don't know that their price is above rubies and that is why they allow any and every man in between their legs. Some guys don't know that they are deposited with gifts that the world needs hence they waste away in prisons or randomly do meaningless things.
I encourage people today to come out of self denial and into self acceptance. It's only after self acceptance, then and only then can one come into his/her purpose. I won't lie to you, it isn't easy to discover one's identity most especially in a world where most people can't seem to find theirs. But we need to find our identity. We need to find out who we are no matter what.
A wise man once said "if you do what makes you happy,then you would die smiling". It's high time we stop allowing the world to dictate our identity and swallowing our happiness, It's high time we get out of our low self esteem and stop denying ourselves the pleasure of discovering who we really are.
The world could use a lot more self discoveries and discovery of purposes. I dare you to imagine a world where everyone have found themselves and what they were created for, how perfect that world would be!!!. This world when envisioned won't just be a dream but a reality but guess what, it begins with you and I today.
Get to know yourself today!!
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