I was tired and overworked.
I was outwardly robotic but inwardly sad and emotional.
Being a single mother to three children, working a full time job, fulfilling everyone’s needs and trying to follow my passion of writing- had started to take a toll on me. A few months ago, I started getting blinding headaches, that caused dizziness, stabbing pain and fatigue. I was sleeping for many hours a day and felt lost and scared. I finally went to the doctor and was told I had some fluid in my brain. After hearing the news I was more worried about not being able to go to work than about my health. I asked the doctor if I could continue to work while I went through the treatment and she said no and that I needed to take some time off.
Reluctantly I told my boss what happened, she was extremely supportive and told me to take care of myself first. But the guilt of not being well enough to work, caused shame. Why would I feel ashamed for being human and needing a break or feel guilty for being sick? I was also nervous about taking an unpaid leave and what would I do with my time.
The month started off and I felt useless and scared- I have worked my whole adult life to take care of myself, so how could I now just sit home go for my treatments, eat and sleep all day?
I decided to take one day at a time and do the things I loved- read and write full time. It was liberating, not having to worry about leaving the house at 6:30 am working all day then running to pick up my kids, then get home to get groceries and cook, have dinner, check on the kids homework and eventually to fall into bed at night.
So every day after dropping my kids to school, I went to Denny’s or Panera Bread and I wrote. I would get up in the morning, dress up and just leave the house. I started to read more books, reach out to old friends, hung out at the beach, went for walks, watched movies and just did whatever the hell I wanted to. During this time my mind became clear and I started to work on a life long dream of creating a website called “Detox the Soul”.
The one month off was the best thing that had ever happened to me. By the time it was over I felt happier, my thinking was clearer and I was more confident in what I wanted to do with my life. It’s like once I allowed myself to accept the abundance from the universe, it started pouring in. I got accepted into an MFA in Creative Writing at Chapman- another lifelong dream.
Today I feel a little better physically and much better mentally- the treatments continue and I am starting my classes in a few days, I have given notice to my work and for the first time in my life I will spend my day reading and writing. My website has taken off and I have between 2000-10,000 views daily.
Remember - in order for a dreams to manifest into reality, we need to clear our heads and give it the space to come to life, and also to accept change when it is knocking on our door. I know because my dreams seem to be coming true!!
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